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Friday, December 5th, 2003
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Name: Conor
Alias: Alice, MacGyver, Fox, The Dude, there are others too..
o Years roleplaying: 5 for organized LARPing, 14 for disorganized LARPing
o Favorite three characters? Wyck, Shine, Home (you have no idea how difficult that was)
o Least favorite character? Tenniel
o Male or female characters? Mostly male
o Oldest character? Who's still relevant? Home Tagali. First real character? Dr. IQ
o Newest character? Wallflower
o Most popular character? It depends on the circle. WFE? Jarobi. P*Reunion? Home. MET? Either Caliban or Cate.
o Character you've never played? Duster, Keaton, Wit, Candor, Captain Gandolf, the list goes on...
Which character of yours would be most likely to...
o Jump off a bridge? Rammer, with Caliban and Phoenix tied for second place
o Get drunk and pass out? Cate
o Kill somebody in a very unorthodox way? Rammer
o Get married? I suppose Julius Vestig IV
o Be far too hyper for their own good? Rammer
o Rape somebody? Charlie
o Be raped? Edward
o Get lost and refuse to ask for directions? Home
o Get lung cancer? Poochie
o Star in a horror movie? As the monster? Charon. As the hero? Ranger. As the hero's best friend? Thomas Marin.
o Star in a whore movie? Rico Suave, Ricky
o Star in a video game? In order of likelihood: Jack Diamond, Home Tagali, Ranger, Alexander Coitis
o Make the world a better place? Mckle Fershnickle
o Have a torrid gay love affair? RICKY!!
Relate each word to a character of yours.
o Love: Jarobi/Julius Vestig IV
o Hate: Adam
o Money: None
o Seduction: Rico Suave
o Lies: The Dude
o Tragedy: The Red Cross Knight
o Manipulation: Charlie
o Violence: Rammer
o Politics: Marshall Emmanuel Nicholas Santin (and that was all from memory!!)
o Fire: Phoenix
o Ice: Charon
Would you ever...
o Play a prostitute? Already have (Rico Suave)
o Play a musician? Already have (William Bestman)
o Play a pilot? Absolutely
o Play a homosexual? Does bisexual cover this? Cause if so I've got it in spades.
o Play a pedophile? Already a.. I mean.. maybe...
o Play a politician? Not a good one.. wait! Shit... already have... (Santin)
o Create a character for the sole purpose of smut? If you're asking what I think you're asking then: no.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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So if you hadn't noticed already (which, of course, implies that you're dead and unobservant) I'm really bad at updating my journal. However, in the spirit of Monkey Day, I felt compelled to write.
((PS: I have a time limit of no less than an hour and 15 minutes before my wishes, like all of my academic work, are considered "late." So if I exclude you or give you little, understand that... ::laughs:: ...hell, if you're not understanding then you're not any of the people I care about so...))
::begins::
For Flynn: I'ma wish you a job in which you are paid handsomely to come up with ideas for games and other such programming. Also, where you work your superiors are the kind of people who'd look at what you've done and respond: "We absolutely love this it's just well... well we were wondering if.. if it's not too much trouble, that is, ..if you could somehow tie this plotline in with these other two plots you showed us?" So, that and the ability to put up an away message in life.
For Naya: I wish you the ability to summon goth clubs and kittens and chartreuse and cheese and me at will. That, and the ability to make silent and invisible anything at any time for any length of time. Oh, and a room just like the one I'ma give Weed.
Erin: I wish you a bottomless bag in which to put stupid things/people/situations. Wherein once you remove said object it has ceased to be stupid. That and the ability to walk through any door and exit from any other door you wish.
Jayce: I wish ((but Conor this is DANGEROUS!!)) an Insta-cloner 9000 which is capable of producing anyone you know in under 4 seconds. I will also give you the mod which allows you to "improve" on your cloned friends. "Improvements" include tracking devices, submission chips, desire/emotional remote controls, and of course self destruct buttons. Oh, and an immortal kitten. Fuck it... two immortal kittens.
James: I give the ability to astral project (since teleporters are sooo 2002) and the focus necessary to therefore live two lives simultaneously.
Weed: I give instant puppies, instant babies, and instant kittens. And a room outside of time and space where only you can go. Oh, and the room has a calming effect and you don't age in it, and in it is any/all books and music desired... ((Conor! Don't be stingy!!)) Fine! Any/all books, music, and movies desired.
((NO TIME!!!!!))
Leah: I give the ability to call forth any weapon imaginable and an infinite number of opportunities to use them without repercussion.
Laramie: I wish a closet chock full of playmates and friends.
Heather: I wish All History Ever with extra dinosaur. And I wish her ring so full of dino that she has to empty it every other week to keep it from bursting open.
Margaret: I wish a boyfriend worthy of you... preferably one I like.
Everyone else: I can't think of really applicable things so I wish you all the grab bag of infinite presents where you take what you want:
1. Sunshine that loves back.
2. 6 lives worth of euphoric glee.
3. Dreams that heal you.
4. Friendly eyes that care for you.
5. And an ever-present warm and welcoming hug.
Happy Monkey Day everyone.
::hands it in on time::
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
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For the life of me I can't tell whether this website is inescapable proof that we do not belong at the top of the food chain or if it's a brilliant satire. After 15 minutes of reading it, I've discovered that I no longer care. It's hilarious in a really horrific way. They're trying so hard to sound professional that it's hurting my soul.
Conglomotech: Helping You Watch Learning Grow
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | ::sigh:: |
| Time: | 5:13 am. |
| Mood: | Dieing from a lack of surprise. | | Music: | Outkast. |
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In case there was any doubt...
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FIRE OF WATER. You are tolerant toward others and are good at easing tension. You make others feel calm and understood. You are patient in even difficult situations or with difficult people. You would make a good therapist or healer. Because of your accepting nature, you are able to have friends from all walks of life. People seek you out for advice because you always know what to do/say for the betterment of everyone involved. |
Quiz
created by Polly Snodgrass.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Was that the sound of me finally finishing the 10 page paper?!
I THINK IT WAS!!!!
Wait... lemme check... ... ... ...YEP! IT TOTALLY WAS!!!
::shits magic confetti and rainbows and then dances till dawn::
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Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.
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I had a dream last night that I only half remember. Two other people were there and I had a pair of unopened wax lips that I was holding onto and directing so that I could fly. It was a happy dream and it ended right before I could figure out how to fly safely carrying the other two people (at least one of whom was distinct, neither of which I can now remember). It's one of those dreams that was made for psychoanalysis. At least it would be if I could remember whether my most recent acquisition of wax lips was via the pinata at Heather's birthday or Rocky Horror. It would also help if I could remember who the other two (dare I assume?) girls were. Whatever...
I'm still the Buddha, though I can feel it slowly slipping away. I'm alright with letting it go though. I know I can fill myself up when needed.
Unnecessary Explicatory Stream:
So there's this boy and he finds this old yo-yo in his dresser drawer and he remembers how much fun he used to have playing with it so he untangles the cord and tries it out only to discover that he can still do a fair number of the tricks he was known for years ago and so he falls asleep, clutching the yo-yo, dreaming dreams of rekindled friendship and pride. When he wakes up he finds he can't do half the tricks he did the night before and as he continues his hands fumble more and more but instead of freaking out, recalling the last time he lost his knack with the damned thing, he tells himself: "what I am and what I do are in my control. This toy does not rule me, nor I it. I can not fail if there is no contest." And then he plays with the yo-yo and the yo-yo plays back.
So I'm not going to stay the Buddha for ever. But the sunshine is not going to leave me until it finds a way off MY FUCKING PLAYGROUND!! YOU HEAR THAT?! I'm making sunshine my new favorite playmate whether she likes it or not...
::takes a step back, notices unintended irony, acknowledges it as such, almost finds unintended meaning more appealing, questions integrity of judgment, really misses... ::cuts off abruptly:: ...resumes speaking out loud for sake of humanity::
...wow. I've gotta stop doing shit like that. Anyway, I'm not letting misery back in. I'm just to busy enjoying shit. Fuck yeah.
Mr McSidenote: I have been nearly flawless in my Buddha-hood. I thought I was unshakable (at least temporarily) but it turns out I'm only unshakable if I'm ready for it. Granted, when I'm ready an emotional Gehenna don't even phase me (seriously, no joke), but... and here's the 'but'... I kinda got my chest ripped open when I wasn't looking. It's not her fault, I just forgot to get into a ready stance and I was like "hug!" and she was like "hug!! and...!!!" and I was like "GGGRRRAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!! VVRRRRAAAAAHHH!! GGGNNNYYYAAAAHHH!!!!... etc." I'm okay now, it was just like taking the pie out of the oven without the mitts only I realized this once I was halfway to the counter. So, yeah. Humorous in retrospect. Nauseating and painful at the time. ((side note: consider the possibility of titling memoirs such, if bro doesn't call dibs))
You know what I've decided? My metaphors are heaping piles of dog shite and my similes are LIKE heaping piles of dog shite. I'm going to sleep.
Oh, but I need to talk to you... yeah actually I need to talk to both of you. ::laughs:: Yeah. I'm sorry. It's different for both, but... whatever... ::sighs in quasi self-pity::
PS TO EVERYONE WHO CARES: "All History Ever 2: All History Plus All Future" best game EVER!! Also in the works is "All Everything Happen Ever" the sequel to "Everything Happen" but since I haven't finished "Everything Happen" I'm trying not to do much on it. (I got away with it in "AGT2" but that's because I kinda knew how I wanted "AGT" to end) I shut up right now. I can hear me losing friends as I type! Why am I not stopping?! Stop it! You've long since run out of interesting things to say!!! Just...
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Time to let the fucking sunshine in.
For now, I am the Buddha.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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I have this problem with starting things.
It's not as bad as my problem with finishing things but it's definitely worse than my problem with working on things.
Most of my notebooks have a blank first page.
I think in fragments.
Moments.
Though I can conjure up visions so clear I can experience them with all my senses, I have come to realize that some of these memories are not real.
I made them up.
I can vividly recall conversations and emotions which I was not privy to.
I know now that this is because they never actually happened.
I have the imagination of a child and the memory of a dying man.
Half my past is not my own and the future scares me shitless so I try my best to live in the present.
It's the only place I know how to function.
I don't write. I don't keep journals.
Ask my room.
I don't like feedback or criticism. I don't like having an audience. I'm anti-social, introverted, and depressed.
I don't write to anyone. What makes me think I can pull off writing to everyone?
Short answer: I don't.
I'm just going to start talking out loud and pray I don't say something I shouldn't.
My secrets will be veiled in vague metaphors and obscure references not because I want privacy (which I kinda do) but because that's the way I think. I don't need to hide my secrets. They can hide themselves.
I will speak straight from the heart with words that paint and scream and fuck each other and if you can keep up, then... ...well... then I'm probably also writing this for you.
But I don't keep journals.
The fire in my hand says "Change is correct and desirable. Now, quit your bitching!"
But is that really true?
The water behind my eyes replies "You are where you are because you stopped moving. Don't confuse adaptability with change. You're only lost because you're standing still."
But all roads from here do not necessarily lead up.
"They will if you make them!"
"Don't forget that they're YOUR roads. Have you forgotten what you once were?"
A good friend...?
"A trusted healer..."
"A pillar of life and joy...!"
Don't exaggerate.
"He's not."
"I'm quoting!"
That's not who I was, that's who they perceived...
"Stop fucking around!!"
"Stop doubting yourself, Alice. You didn't then. Why do it now? There was a time when you gave without hesitation. Without limits. Without fear."
"You were fucking invincible."
No. I wasn't. I just FELT invincible.
"NO! YOU WERE ACTUALLY INVINCIBLE!! DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU WERE ANYTHING LESS!!"
"Your very smile lit people up in their darkest hours. Your joy spread like cancer."
"Like wildfire!"
"Like light. Like music. You were a beautiful, beautiful drug and you filled people with hope."
That's not invincibility.
"Yes it is."
"No amount of misery could shake you! You faced child abuse, substance abuse, depression, self-mutilation, and suicide without flinching!"
I did flinch once...
"Shut the fuck up!!"
"But the point is that it didn't stop you from giving. You got knocked down and then got right back up. You WERE invincible, Alice, because you refused to stop giving."
But I had so much to give then. Now I can only give love one hug at a time. I spend half of my day running on fumes. I want to give more but I...
"If you finish with '...need help' I swear to fucking Gaia I'll abandon your ass right here and now!!"
"Stop trying to..."
"BE A MAN!! STOP WHINING ABOUT IT AND DO SOMETHING!! YOU ARE IN CONTROL!"
"Stop waiting for someone else to fill you up."
"It's your fucking hole... now FILL IT!"
I have perceiv'd that to be with those I like is enough,
To stop in company with the rest at evening is enough,
To be surrounded by beautiful, curious, breathing, laughing flesh is enough,
To pass among them, or touch any one, or rest my arm ever so lightly round his or her neck for a moment — what is this then?
I do not ask any more delight — I swim in it, as in a sea.
There is something in staying close to men and women, and looking on them, and in the contact and odor of them, that pleases the soul well;
All things please the soul — but these please the soul well.
-Walt Whitman
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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wyck's journal
dorky.
content.
busy.
tired.